In
my opinion, far too many individuals spend so much time trying to get to know
other people, meeting other people, and building relationships; however, very
few of them have taken the time to truly know themselves. If asked the question, “do you think you know
yourself?” I think many individuals would immediately reply “yes, of course,”
without really giving the question much thought. I guess that people tend to think that just
because they have spent a lifetime with themselves, that they really know the
person that they are, and how others view them; however, In order for a person to
“truly” know oneself, one must spend hours upon hours, days upon days, and
weeks upon weeks looking within, and maybe then a person can satisfy their
cravings just enough to realize that we are constantly a piece of work in
progress.
Just
because you are the one exhibiting behaviors, actions, feelings, or thoughts,
it doesn’t mean that you fully understand what it is that is going on inside of
you. Since most individuals tend to view
life from an “I am” perspective, it is important that p person learn to adopt a
third person perspective when remembering, evaluating, and determining the
events, situation, and messages behind their actions or behaviors.
If
one can put in the time needed to really get to know them, they will, along the
way, begin to make changes and eliminate the parts of them that no longer serve
a purpose. If a person can dedicate
themselves and focus solely upon themselves, a person should be able to peel
back each layer of their being to determine which qualities and traits they
wish to keep, and in what ways they wish to change. As these changes occur, and a person becomes
more of “Who they were meant to be,” rather than a product of their upbringing,
environment, conditioning, social standing/acceptance, or what others want for
them to be, they will begin to become in tune with who they are meant to be,
their true and AUTHENTIC self! As a
person continues to peel away the layers, they start to become who they were
always meant to be, and should be able to realize that there is absolutely
nothing standing in their way of becoming whomever they wish to become,
reaching great heights (financially, emotionally, career wise, etc..) As the positive changes occur, one should become
overcome with feelings of pride for who they are as a person and as well as
what they have to offer the world. No
longer are they having to change who they are depending upon who they are
around, but rather, they are so proud of who they are, as a person, that they
feel confident to be this authentic person in all of their roles (parental,
job, friendship, relationship, church, etc.)
As you evaluate the different areas of your life, one must realize that
if they are trying to hide certain characteristics or certain experiences that
you have gone through, it’s a pretty good sign that you have not accepted who
you are as a person and before you expect others to embrace and like who you
are, you must do some soul searching and decide what it is about yourself that
needs changing. On the contrary, when
you are doing things the “right” way, or in an “ethical” or “moral” way, then
you do not think twice about allowing others to see and know your “real”
self. Suddenly there is no need or room for
lies, deception, imitation, fakeness, or envy in your life because you have
discovered the root of your being, that which is worth more than anything else
in this world, YOUR CHARACTER, and when your character is in place, all other
decisions stemming from it are ones that you are proud of and willing to take
ownership for!
I
try to make it a point to tell the at risk youth that I work with, “If you’re
worried about people finding out about you, your actions, your problems, or
your behaviors, it’s a pretty good sign that you should take a minute to
reflect and determine why you do not want others to know about these actions
because if you are doing the right thing, you wouldn’t care who knew what you
were doing, thinking, acting, or behaving!”
In simpler terms, if you feel uncomfortable or are not willing to be
honest and hold yourself accountable for your actions, then it is likely that you
need to change your course of action or make another decision. Sometimes I may even give them the definition
of habeas corpus that I learned in my Criminal Justice class to help them to
being to see the importance in weighing their decisions based on the possible
outcomes to decide if their actions are worth the risk. Pretty simple theory that a person can
practice that could possibly keep them from making decisions that could have
lifelong or dire consequences.
When
establishing relationships with others, some people, when encountering a less
than desirable trait from their friend/partner, will turn around and run the
other way. They will not communicate
with the person about this “trait” in question, nor will they give the person a
chance to change, but rather decide that they do not wish to continue to build the
relationship. You cannot run from these
less than desirable traits within yourself, but what people tend to do in order
to keep their confidence and save face is they tend to overlook or disregard
their own less than desirable traits, qualities, or habits. The best part about becoming self-actualized
and transforming into your authentic self is you are able to acknowledge and
accept your negative qualities as much as your positive ones. Through recognizing our own imperfections,
and realizing that we hold our own views, opinions, thoughts, and feelings on
certain issues, you are at peace and able to fully respect and understand the
same in others. After you have realized
how you have been molded into the person you are today, you realize that every
individual out there has their own unique experiences to tell that comes along
with their reasons for feeling and acting the way that they do. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to realize
that we are all human, with good qualities and bad, we all have our own individual
story that has helped to mold us into what we are today, and we all can affect
one another tremendously, it just depends on our actions whether or not those
affects will be good or bad.
So
what set me off on this journey of self-discovery? It’s kind of funny actually because it all
started with the topic of “SUPERHEROES.”
My nephews had come up to my home to spend some quality time with their
aunt Kelli. We had just gotten done
watching a Disney movie, and we were off to camp out on the floor of my
bedroom. As they usually stated when
spending the night, they requested that I tell them a bedtime story. “What kind of story?” I asked. “A scary one,” they replied in unison. For some reason these boys love scary movies
and stories, and they always tell me that my stories are not scary enough, so I
knew this time I needed to step it up a bit.
As I was telling them the scary story, my dog made a loud noise just
outside the window of my bedroom causing us all to jump out of our skin. We all giggled when we realized it was just
the dog, but I figured I’d better end the night on a more pleasant note. I thought up a heroic story, one where the
main character battled evil. I was
conjuring up the story in my head, while trying to think of the characteristics
that I wanted the hero of my story to embody.
As I was contemplating, in my mind, what kind of person I wanted this
person to be, how they would act, and what all they would accomplish, I
realized, hey, anyone could become a superhero.
One does not have to have superpowers or inhuman characteristics to be a
superhero, but rather, the right mindset, actions that they are proud of, integrity,
and of course self-sacrificing character and behaviors. I decided, at this time, that no longer would
I waste my energy on griping and complaining about “things wrong in the world,”
but instead I was going to work on myself, I was going to take on these heroic
attributes, and I was going to go out there and change the things I did not
like about this world. Since that
transformational moment, I have torn myself down and built myself back up, to
become a better person, a stronger person, and a person who is proud of who I
am, my actions, my thoughts, my intentions, and my behaviors. What’s even better is knowing that it was
myself who made those choices in who I was to become, not society, not my
family, not conditioning from my environment, not expectations, and definitely
not because of what others think that I “should be doing” or allowing past
events or experiences to determine my actions and behaviors!
I
was taught, through my education in dealing with “at risk” youth, that you can
tell a lot about a person by asking them to fill in the blanks on the following
statement: “I am _____, people are ____,
the world is ______.” When I was first
asked this question, I did not understand the significance and we were asked to
reply in quick manor. My answer to the
question was: “I am curious, people are
confusing, and the world is fascinating.”
When I look back on this statement now, I am able to realize just how
much it explains who I am as a person.
First of all, “I am curious” would explain my thirst for knowledge,
adventure, and the unknown. I am happy
with life as long as I am continuing to learn, in fact, I am like a sponge,
wanting to absorb every piece of knowledge I encounter. The second part, “People are confusing,”
would describe my need to help others, figure out their needs/wants/and
motivations, to want to build relationships so that they have my support, and
my ability to never judge but rather seek to understand them. The third part: “the world is fascinating,” would describe my
thirst for adventure, my ability to adapt to different cultures and diversity,
my desire to travel and visit distant lands, and my curiosity with the social
sciences and humanistic endeavors.
As
I started out on my journey to self-discovery that I was going to strip back
all of my layers and into the core of my being, something I knew would not be
easy! I had to find out what part of my
essence was part of which I was when God created me. What was one thing that I could not question
that I knew was an undeniable characteristic of who I was? The one thing I knew for sure was that I had
a big heart, was created, raised, and acted upon the essence of Love. I knew aspect within me was true because
after the many negative experiences in my lifetime, I was able to maintain the
good faith of my fellow man and base my actions out of love for all living
things, in unison. With this newfound
discovery of where I came from, I decided that love was to be the foundation to
which every other building block of who I was to become would be based upon. I would allow this foundation to guide my
actions, thoughts, behaviors, feelings, and even doubts, because, in knowing
that my love for all living things on this planet was my driving force behind
my choices. This made it almost too easy
to have confidence in myself while allowing my instincts and conscious to guide
me
At
times, like all individuals, I would make mistakes and still do, but I have
chosen to learn from these mistakes, while acknowledging the fact that without dealing
with the bad, how would I ever know or appreciate the good in life. Also, when you allow your instincts to guide
your actions, even when they turn out to be the wrong choices, you do not allow
these regrets to affect your esteem or your confidence because when your
actions are based upon one intention, LOVE, these mistakes don’t seem to matter
nearly as much. As you are living life
with this clear conscious, you do not feel the need to explain yourself or your
actions because, in your heart, you knew that you have acted with nothing but the
best of intentions. Let me tell you, it
is the best, most liberating feeling when you are able to stand by your choices
and decisions, even when things do not go the way you had hoped. It is humbling experiences, such as these,
that connect you, even stronger, to all the different types of people in this
world because as you begin to understand it within yourself, it, in turn, helps
you to accept and even appreciate the same fact in others when they, too, make wrong
decisions.
Confronting,
judging, and evaluating all that you are is not an easy process. It definitely takes a certain someone to be
able to face the good and bad within themselves. In order to heal and move forward, out of the
past, a person must dedicate themselves to constant change for the better which
takes being able to acquire the education, training, and experience that it
will take for them to be able to successfully partake in this positive
transformation. One must be willing to
be one hundred percent, both, with themselves and others and be willing to
become indifferent on many subjects, as well as the ability to view thing in
life from many different perspectives. You
must spend immeasurable amounts of time reflecting, not only on events,
situations, and experiences but also upon emotions, thoughts, feelings,
behaviors, intentions, spirituality, and all physical aspects of your life and
body.
As
time goes on, one should continue to reflect upon matters as well as attempt to
come up with a rational and shared perspective to any given event or
situation. As one recalls these events,
one should not only determine their own feelings, thoughts, and emotions that
are connected with the event, but also be able to accept the perceptions of
others could be extremely different than their own. When recalling any given event, a person
should evaluate the event itself, internal factors going on within themselves,
outside variables, as well as any predetermining factors that may have contributed
to the event, such as conditioning, social acceptance, motive, self-serving
bias, and anything else that may have contributed to the event in any way. As a person becomes more comfortable at
identifying these factors, feelings, etc., it starts to become a natural aspect
in their lives which will raise their emotional intelligence (EQ), and allow
them to enjoy healthier interactions and relationships with everyone around them.
In
order to fully grasp why my thought process worked in the way that it did, I had
to delve into every aspect within my life which would include areas such as my upbringing,
world views, religious views, social views, relationship views, family values,
morals, character, ethics, dependency, education, outlook on life, resilience
and ability to bounce back from failure, views and opinions on controversial
matters, and many many more. The goal
was to really dig deep within my mind and see how every aspect of my life
contributed to my opinions, feelings and thoughts on each one of these areas within
my life. The purpose was to determine whether
or not I was indifferent to what was going on around me, while allowing myself
to be my true authentic self, or was I a product of conditioning or adapting to
my environment and allowing my decisions to be based upon other peoples
thoughts, feelings, and opinions?
The
best thing that ever happened in my entire lifetime was my soul searching and
being able to find myself, so that I was able to begin living life on my own
terms. This has made me realize the
significance and worth for a person’s overall wellbeing when they are able to
be true to themselves, and what others want them to be, what others have molded
them into, or what others expect them to be.
A person will never find true happiness within the latter. This is one of the reasons, although I enjoy
voicing my opinions, I would never try to force them upon others because we
must all be true to ourselves by being our authentic self. People need to make decisions on their own,
through introspect and reflection, but always remember to place the same value
upon other’s opinions, views, thoughts or feelings. I must admit, a little bit of active listening
and open ended questions can help to give a person that little push that they
may need to want to take that journey within.
In the process of finding yourself, you are able to pull out any weeds,
or negative thought patterns, behaviors, or opinions that no longer work for
you, and replace them with the ones that you are completely satisfied to stick
by because you know that you are being true to yourself. Dr. Wayne Dyer states that in order to reach
a higher consciousness, one must be indifferent to the opinions of others, well
this paragraph pretty much explains, in vague terms, how to reach this higher
consciousness. The only ones who do not
benefit from this reflecting upon themselves are the external locus of control
individuals, pessimistic individuals, or people who refuse to compromise with
others to come up with a shared perspective and reality. For the individuals who are willing to face
up to their fears, accept their imperfections and shortcomings, and believe
that they have control over where their lives will go, they will do what it
takes in order to strengthen and improve themselves so that they are strong enough
to control where their lives will go and the energy it will take to climb any
and every mountain in their path!
Life
is meant to be lived to the fullest. One
should always be looking for ways to grow by becoming smarter, stronger,
healthier, and more enlightened. For those
who agree and accept the fact that life is a never ending journey of
evolvement, growth, and exploration, they will tend to live a more satisfied,
peaceful, and content life because they have found what is most important in
life, themselves, which means that they are no longer searching anywhere but
within themselves for their happiness.
For others, it seems as though they spend so much time working, running
around taking care of things, moving on from one event to the next, and trying
to find happiness by means of materialistic items that they are not
appreciating the undeniable beauty that every moment on this Earth provides us
with. As they continue day to day, with their
lives on fast forward, seeking an unquenchable desire for happiness through a
world of materialistic and symbolic things, they are not even able to slow down
long enough to realize that they are missing out on the greatest accomplishment
they could ever achieve, the moment they are in. As they run around, worrying about the
future, they are missing out on the realization that all the happiness and joy
that they could ever imagine, the grandest of mountains that they could ever climb,
and the highest level of achievement that they could ever reach lies within
them at this very moment, and YOU hold the master key. Master your life, choose to embark on this
journey, because there is a doorway within you waiting to be discovered,
opened, explored, which will show you a whole new world full of beauty and joy
that is ready to awakened and brought to light.
I
promise, for those of you who will take this journey inward, every experience
thereafter will be filled with so much more beauty, significance, and
worth. No longer will you race around
trying to find that one thing that you can’t quite identify that will bring you
the joy that you so terribly seek. No
longer will you look for your happiness in materialistic things; no longer will
your happiness depend on another person, because you now live out of the love
that embodies you, the love that surrounds you with loving and supportive individuals. Things that you use to think matter, like
keeping up with the Jones’ or that job promotion you so desperately “have” to
have no longer hold the significance in your life. It is as if time slows down so that you are
able to enjoy each given moment to the fullest, and the things that truly
matter come to the forefront like family, health, relationships, goals, nature,
spirituality, and all the other things that money could never buy.
It
is as if someone has turned on the light switch in a room full of darkness as
you embrace the spiritual awareness and appreciation that comes from this “REBIRTH.” The glass remains half full, the rainbow is
worth putting up with the storm, and you begin to always see things “on the
bright side.” Once you have transformed
into this spiritual and higher conscious self, in times of sorrow, disappointment,
and trials and tribulations, you allow this spirituality and appreciation for
life direct you back to the center core of who you are, the love. Knowing the power of this force and the ways
in which it can transform, it is very easy to allow yourself to flow with any
given situation, while riding it out, because you already know that in the end,
love conquers all! There is never a
doubt to your faith in the power of this energy because you have already
proved, to yourself, that the power of love can produce miracles!
The
best way that I can think to describe it is (for those of you who have
experienced a near death experience,) when you are faced with that life
changing event that puts you at God’s mercy, time seems to slow down and
everything that has ever mattered in life comes flashing before your eyes, your
loved ones, your legacy, your hopes, wishes, dreams, and even regrets. In that 10 second period of time when you are
facing death, it is as if you are witnessing a lifetime of memories, and if you’re
lucky, you are able to escape death, but do not forget the sights, and feelings
you encountered as you were cheating death.
At that moment, your life is forever changed and you are filled with a
newfound appreciation and outlook on life.
It is now very clear which things are important, and all the things that
used to seem important no longer matter, like money, job, status, or that new
car or home, all of it is irrelevant.
You are overcome with feelings of gratitude and joy for the chance to
live and spend your time with your loved ones.
Self-actualization is very similar to this “near death experience.” It is as if you have been reborn, all cares
slip away, things that truly matter mean the most to you, while you make every
moment count, and the best part is, you are able to live your life with no
regrets because you are acting upon all the qualities that were embodied to us
by God, love, nurture, compassion, empathy, sympathy, hope, faith, forgiveness,
and understanding!
My
outlook, my actions, and my intentions all are all formed through the most
prominent energy in this world, LOVE.
With allowing my appreciation for the circle of life to influence each
decision that I make, the world in front of me is forever evolving into what I dream
it will be, a world full of hope, love, and dreams. With each experience that I encounter, it is
only I who has the power to choose how to look and feel about any given event,
but when you choose to be optimistic, you manifest a reality that will mirror
everything that you feel. You create a
ripple effect that is sent out into this world where we all affect one another,
so please choose to see the beauty in everything around you, and watch even
more beauty unfold as you manifest your reality.
And
there you have it! Voila, I have now
turned into the superhero of my own life story.
I embody all the traits and qualities of the heroines who battle evil and
stand, in glory, in the face of opposition.
I will never understand why people will stand back and allow bad things
to happen, or feel the need to only look out for the interests of themselves and
those whom they love because I have found, in all circumstances, that it is
possible for all of us to win, even when there doesn’t seem like a way in the
beginning. We need to choose to work
together, strive for peace, and choose to do the right things in life in order
to keep the evil forces at bay. We must
live our lives with just as much regard for others, animals, our environment,
and the planet as we do for ourselves.
My outlook, my actions, and my intentions all based upon the foundation
of LOVE, with the circle of life embracing every decision I make, and my view
of the world evolving to match my love, my peace, my spirituality, and my
compassion to mirror what already lies within me. Can you see, feel, and experience the same
beauty that I do in the world that surrounds you? If not, please take the journey inward, face
your fears, accept your faults, embrace uniqueness and you quirks, and in doing
so, you too will be set free………….
To
end this blog, I want to incorporate one of my three favorite quotes of all
time. When I stated earlier that
self-actualization is the highest form of success and achievement, it truly is
one that will set you free. If every
person on this earth would journey within, and make changes to become all that
they can be, world peace could be achieved!
I am free, no matter what rules surround
me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious,
then I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible
in everything I do! Robert E. Heinlein
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